The One With All The Monologues
by SqutternutBosh
Summary: What if we were to gain more of an insight into each of the character's thoughts and feelings? A collection of monolgues showing each of the Friends thoughts just after the finales of each season.UPDATE- Season One Chandler now up.
1. Rachel Season One

Hey, I'm back for something completely new. Whether I complete this project or not, is a completely different matter, but I intend to write a series of monologues. 60, to be precise. Nothing too long, just a collection of each of the Friends thoughts at the end of each season. I'm starting with Rachel (I'm going to go in order of their appearance in the opening credits). So, I'm not sure how people are going to take this idea, but here's chapter one!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Friends.

_'Everything's changing and I don't feel the same'- Keane._

'Today should be my one-year wedding anniversary, celebrating one year's wedded bliss of show shopping, beach holidays and occasional sex with a balding orthodontist. So much for that. Instead I'm remembering a quick escape through a fancy bathroom window and legging it down to the nearest subway station in a $3000 wedding dress. So, when I should be getting my husband to buy me expensive presents, I'm instead stood behind the counter of a cosy little coffee house, waiting for one of my friends to show up and save me from the boredom of being a waitress... And freedom never tasted sweeter.

'But, hey, it hasn't exactly been easy. I was never prepared for the real world as a child. I was showered with whatever I desired and expecting to marry a rich, successful man and maybe have two kids whilst living off his money. I came frighteningly close to making that a reality... Wow, i really did. My new life is more... refreshing.

'I mean, I had to cut up all of my credit cards and face my father about my decision; two of the hardest things for a young woman to do! Having done that may have left me broke, but I found some good people to help me through.

'I've no idea where I would be without Monica, she's been my real lifeline; she gave me a place to stay, good advice and she was there for me, even though I was the bitch who didn't invite her oldest, only _real_ friend to her wedding. Luckily for me, Monica looked past that, but having Monica as a friend was a bit of a package deal. Because, when I returned into Monica's life, she came with four other people. Four other people who had to accept this spoiled little daddy's girl (that's right, I admit it).

'I already knew Ross- obviously not as well as I do now, but even then, he's been hiding something _huge_ from me this entire time. I don't hate him for it, far from it... But... Phoebe was a revelation. She's nothing like me, rather a kooky masseuse with a messed up childhood. I feel I've connected with her though, we can laugh and talk and shop. I may have no idea about what she's talking about sometimes, but that's okay, that's just Phoebe. Then, there's Chandler. At times, I'm prepared to hit him for his smart comments- he can be too quick-witted for his own good sometimes. Beneath the sarcastic exterior though, I know Chandler's a bit of a softie- maybe that has something to do with being raised by a gay man in his early years. I don't know. I had met Chandler three times before; he was Ross's college roommate. But, that's Joey now... Chandler's roommate I mean. What have I got to say about Joey Tribbiani? If he came up to me in a bar with his hot Italian looks (ugh, please don't remind me of Paolo, handsy scum) and confidence, yeah, I'd probably be interested. Not now though. Joey's my friend- often the other of the five who, like me, is not following a clever discussion between the others. But, he's sweet. That brings me back to Ross.

'It seems like I've spent much of this past year hanging out with Ross. He taught me how to do my own laundry and I lost his monkey... That last bit sounds weird, even to me. That's not the point I'm trying to make... A few days ago, Chandler accidentally let slip that Ross has a thing for me... that-that he _loves_ me. And he has done for years. So, that leaves me stuck in the middle of a complicated situation. For one, Ross has just had a baby with his lesbian ex-wife and for another, he's currently in China. Ross, not the baby. And I'm not supposed to know how he feels about me. I think that's one example of where a lot of people wanted to whack Chandler to make him stop talking.

'So, yeah, my life is more complicated now, full of work, bills and Ross Geller. And there's not doubt in my mind about the choice I made a year ago today, because today marks one year of independence for Rachel Karen Green.'


	2. Monica Season One

So, here's the next bit. Friends-girl2008, hopefully this answers your question about how I'm writing each season.- thanks for your review. Imagine what if, thanks for your great advice. I'll probably go back and edit the first chapter when I have time. I haven't set myself a time limit with this project, but I do want the satisfaction of seeing it finished. So, I hope you enjoy the ramblings of Monica Geller (now that you've had enough of mine). Just something I noticed as Monica's thoughts came to me; they aren't quite from the season finale, more like halfway through the last episode. Close enough.

**Disclaimer: Don't own any of them.**

'_It started off in a coffee shop in a most unlikely town,'- Bowling For Soup._

\/p

'Argh! I wish Rachel would pick up her stuff when she's done using it. In fact, I tell her that every day- and sometimes, not so nicely. I guess she's got a lot on her mind right now, but that's no excuse for leaving wet towels all over my bathroom floor... Deep breaths Monica, just clean it up and it'll be fine.

'I've had people tell me I'm a little too obsessive about my cleaning habits, but why should that bother me? Yeah, I did spend time trying to prove those people wrong a few months ago, but I think I only managed to prove that I was mildly insane. I hate being wrong, but I love being organised more. The world would be a better place if more people cared about being able to see themselves reflected in the surface of coffee tables. Perfect.

'I've told Rachel she's half-hearted in her cleaning of the tables down at the coffee house. I don't think she cares. She just works enough so that Terry doesn't fire her and that she gets paid. Why should I care if she's not bothered about clinical levels of hygiene? It's all up to her.

'It's been so much easier having a roommate again this past year, sharing the bills and rent with someone, I love it. It was unexpected, mind you. I was hurt that she didn't invite me to her wedding, but it would have been a waste of time anyway, what with her leaving Barry at the altar and all. .. She deserves someone better than him. Maybe someone like Ross.

'I need to stop getting excited about those two getting together; it might not even happen! I can't help it though... I mean, if they got married, Rachel would be my sister-in law! Woah, getting way ahead of myself there. And them. Although, Ross has had a crush on Rachel _forever._ I knew he fancied her in high school, he was so obvious about it. I did occasionally wonder if he was gay- he used to lock himself in his room with his friend Will... But I thought he was over Rachel. He was married to Carol for years! Who'd have thought she'd turn out gay?

'And I've just had a thought. What if Rachel is creeped out by Ross's feelings for her? She and Ross are polar opposites! What if she finds the idea of dating Ross, my brother, how Ross would see the idea of me going out with one of his best friends? (At least Chandler's within in my age range, unlike Ethan... didn't his parents wonder where he was!) I hope Rachel doesn't move out because of Ross. He would be heartbroken and he'd go running to mom, who would somehow make the whole situation out to be my fault... Ah, I need to breathe!

' Think nice thoughts... Baby Ben. I can't believe I'm an aunt! Ben is just so cute, I could squeeze him so tight... that's better. Calm again. I think I'm done cleaning in here, I might make a lasagne. If only Joey would stop taking our food. Don't get me wrong, I love cooking for everyone, but they could at _least_ keep some food in their own fridges. I bet if I was to go over to Chandler and Joey' apartment now and look in their fridge, I'd only find beer, ice-cream and some gone-off items. Uck, don't think about it. Although they may have a few fruit baskets from Joey's girlfriend...

'I wonder what time it is China? Sounds like something Ross would know... or maybe Phoebe. For all I know, she's probably been there. And got the t-shirt. Ross probably will get one; maybe even for Rachel. To go with the broach. See, he'd be perfect for her! Way more honest and reliable than certain John-the-wine-guys I know. Alan was nice though... except for the fact that it felt like he was also dating my friends. Weird...

'That's it, I need to talk to Rachel!'

\/p


	3. Phoebe Season One

A/N: Finally had some spare time to get the next bit up. I have, however, changed the format of how this works. Rather than seeing each person's train of thought, I've tried to make it so it seems like they're talking to someone (my back story behind this is Ross got involved in some psychology experiment where they're looking at social groups. They talk to each person about their life once a year. Does that make sense?) I'll leave the Monica and Rachel portions as they are, at least for now. Okay, so this time it's Phoebe, season one. Thanks to those who reviewed previous chapters!

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or their stories.**

...

'You want to know about my life? Oh, just this year? Well, you're going to miss out on all of the interesting bits then- like when I lived with an albino named Sid. Don't look at me like that, it's true! I thought psychiatrists were supposed to be understanding... All right, all right, I'm getting to it!

'So, this year... What have I been up to this year? Well, I guess it was about a year ago that I first met Rachel. I'd heard about her from Monica, just little things, but I could tell that they used to be good friends. I'm not quite sure what happened there, maybe they just drifted apart... hat did I think of Rachel? My first thought when I saw her was... I can't remember, but her aura was all dark and murky. Anyway, first of all I thought she was a bit of a spoilt brat, but then I tried to be more understanding. I realized that she was a nice person, she had just grown up in an entirely different situation to me. Moving to the city must have been a really scary thing for her to do and I didn't think she'd stay, but she did. And now we're really good friends.

'My other friends? I'm pretty sure you don't need me tell you about them, you'll be getting an earful of them soon enough. My opinion of them?... Okay! Let me see, let me see. Well, there's Monica, sometimes she can seem like too much what with all of her little obsessions and compulsions- I've never known anybody else to get down and their hands and knees and, like, scrub the floor with a toothbrush. For seven hours. But, you've got to admire her determination. Or maybe she's just really stubborn. Yeah, that's true actually. Then there's Rachel, but I already told you about her. Okay, so Monica and Rachel are probably my closest friends, but I'm still pretty close with the guys. Firstly, Joey Tribbiani, what a hunk of man meat. Okay, I admit it, I did have a crush on Joey; who wouldn't? Ah, you'll understand when you meet him later. Joey is so sweet- except for the time he dated my bitch of a twin sister. And he has a bit of a womaniser... But, it's hard not to like him. He may not be too bright, but I feel like he gets me. I'm not sure a lot of people do. Especially not Ross. Ross is... well, he's my polar opposite I guess. All science and lesbians. I disagree with most scientific principles and I am definitely not a lesbian. I tried it, but it wasn't for me. I'm going off the point... Despite our differences, I do think of Ross as one of my best friends. He's had a tough time lately, what with Carol and her lover, but I think he was rewarded when Ben was born. I'd also like to point out that the baby's name was my idea. Well, maybe not my idea as such... Yeah. And finally, in this particular circle of friends ( I know a lot more colourful characters than these guys), there's Chandler Bing. He's a bit of a goof and he can seem quite mean, but he doesn't mean any of it. I don't think so anyway. I just think he was a bit screwed up by his parents. Overall, they can all be annoying and whiny, but I love them all.

'I think that's enough about them, now onto me. Hi, my name's Phoebe! I'm a Pisces, so I don't mix well with other water signs, but I do enjoy trips to my psychic and aromatherapy. Is that what you wanted to know? No? Oh. Right. My love life? Ha! Okay, so towards the end of last year I met this great guy. He was incredibly smart and cute and so, so sweet to me. His name was David... What happened? He won some science thing and went to work in Minsk- that's in Russia. I haven't seen him since he left. He was going to stay for me, but I made him go. Why? His entire life's work had been leading up to this work he was going to skip out on, just for me, and we'd only been dating a few weeks. No, it wasn't fair to him... Did I love him? I think I did. I think a part of me still does. I did date another guy called Roger. Hey! He was a psychiatrist, like you! No offence, but he was a little creepy. I thought it was going well with him until I realized that I hated him. Other than that, there was no one else. No one important enough to mention.

'Anything interesting happen this year? Well, I saved a monkey from a deranged man and some pest control woman. No, I didn't dream it! It happened. Seriously. Oh, and Rachel's handsy Italian boyfriend hit on me. I thought he was cute, but... Turns out he was just a hairy crap weasel. Oh and there was the time I found a thumb in my soda. I tell you, people just kept throwing money at me that week. First of all, it was the bank and then the soda company... I didn't want to keep it, it wasn't mine. I gave it to Chandler to stop him smoking. Speaking of Chandler, I worked as his secretary for a bit this year. I had a great time, turns out I'm not the only person who noticed his interesting qualities and speech. Did I enjoy the job? Eh, I don't think I'm cut out for office work, but I did get to hang out at the water cooler and revel in office bitching and gossiping. It's not like Chandler actually needed me to do anything.

'That's basically my year, except for the bit where Underdog got away and we nearly burned down the apartment with our boyfriend bonfire. But, hey, if you want to meet cute guys it's worth calling the fire department to come to you. You could even start a fake fire for them to put out, make it authentic.

'Oh, is my time up? I don't really believe in time, I wouldn't know. Okay, so I guess I'll go. See you next year!'

...

A/N: I'd like to hear people's thoughts on the new format (which may or may not have been inspired by an episode of Scrubs...)


	4. Joey Season One

'Hey, is that thing on

A/N: So, here it is, Joey season one! I've decided to keep this format, seems that most people like it. There is a poll on my profile page if anyone is particularly for/ against one format. Thanks for all the great reviews!

**Disclaimer: Not mine…**

……

'Hey, is that thing on? Oh, it is… maybe later then. What? Nothing… For now. Right, introduce myself. I'm Joseph Tribianni, but everyone calls me Joey. I prefer it that way. I'm an actor, not really working right now though. Would you have seen me in anything? Well, I was in some show called 'Freud!' you might have seen that being a psychologist. No, I didn't understand it either, but a job's a job. Oh and I was supposed to play Al Pacino's butt- scratch that, I _did _play Al Pacino's butt. Not like you can tell the difference…

'This year? Woah, that's a long time to remember a lot of stuff. Um, I- no, that's not important. But Rachel is! Yeah, she came along about a year ago, I think I was drinking coffee at the time. And I hit on her, until Monica told me not. What can I say? Rachel is hot. You would've done the same… You wouldn't have because you're a woman, unless… No? Good. Yeah, so Rachel. She's hot, but we all know she's off limits. Why? For one, she's a friend, you aren't supposed to mess with those rules! And there was another reason- oh yeah, Ross is madly in love with her. Don't tell either of them I said that. He keeps denying it, so she may never know.

'Have I got a 'significant other'? What's that? A girlfriend? No, why're you asking? Oh right, experiment thing. You know they're not paying us for this? Thought I was going to make some easy money- "You just have to tell them about you, Joey," Ross said. He didn't mention money at all, but I thought… Never mind. Did you ask me something?

'Love life? I wouldn't call it that. I like to play the field, y'know, like a hockey player- and I score a lot. If hockey was like women I would be an awesome player. I've never really had a proper girlfriend, I don't want to be tied down. There was Angela though, but she kind of disappeared. There was Ursula, Phoebe's identical twin. I don't really know what happened there- I mean, I _really _liked her, I remembered her birthday and everything. Then, one day, I find Phoebe pretending to be her sister so she could break up with me. Apparently Ursula lost interest or something. There is this one girl, think her name's Melanie, I might use the old Tribianni charm on her… Actually, that's a good idea.

'My friends are really important to me. They all help me through stuff- like when I found out my dad was having some kind of affair with this animal-stuffer woman. I did my best to help him and I even told my mom, 'cos that's what I thought she would have wanted me to do. Turns out she didn't and I got whacked around the head with a big ring. They were a lot of help when my family thought I had VD too… Yes, that's why I look familiar, but you shouldn't believe everything a poster tells you!

'Anyway. Chandler's my room mate, he's a great guy. He can be annoying with all his jokes, but he's always there for me. I don't make a lot of money most of the time, but he never says anything about me not paying rent. Well, he hardly ever says anything. He's my best friend. Ross is a pretty close second, I help him out with his girl problems and in return he tells stories that are as boring as hell. But he can be pretty funny- it's pretty funny watching him drool all over Rachel actually. I told him to grab a spoon and the spoon's still there, he's just watching it while the ice cream melts. No, you wouldn't get the spoon thing, you weren't there. I was drinking beer at the time though. So, that's Ross for you. He has sister, Monica, we're good friends. She's hot and makes _the_ best lasagne, but she can be a little weird. Like, I learned never to go to her place on a Thursday afternoon because that's cleaning day. It's not like she doesn't clean the apartment every day anyway, Thursday's just special for some reason… I think it was Thursday, maybe it was Wednesday? No, it's Friday because that's the day I get two pizzas. So, hot and crazy. Speaking of crazy, is Phoebe. I love Pheebs. Not in that way, but, sometimes I feel that she gets me better than anyone else. Maybe because I get her better than the others. Phoebe had a tough life growing up, she has so many stories. I know her really well, but I guess she has a lot more to say. Oh, and she's hot too. Why do you think I dated her identical twin?

'So, that's the gang- and Rachel, obviously. We do some weird things sometimes. Like, when Ross's monkey escaped- no, I'm not speaking "metaphorically", whatever that means- we had to chase him down to the crazy guy who lives downstairs. And, we tried to teach the girls poker once, then they got bored of it. Me, Chandler and Ross still play though.

'Ross had a kid the other week. I mean, his lesbian ex-wife gave birth to a baby. They called him Ben. I missed a lot of the action though, I was helping some other woman give birth. No, I'm not qualified, but she needed help. Don't know why I did, she was a Celtics fan, but she was on her own and I just… ended up being there for the birth of her child… No way do I support Celtics! New York Knicks rule!

'Am I done? Okay… Is the camera off? Good… How you doin'?'

….…

A/N: Oddly enough, Joey doesn't actually use the 'How you doin'' line until he demonstrates it to Phoebe in season 4. I think. But I couldn't resist doing that at the end.


	5. Chandler Season One

'I can't believe Ross is making us all do this

A/N: Thanks for the reviews (And Exintaris- thanks for pointing out my error. I had intended to double-check the spelling, but I'm only human and I forgot. And no, I haven't read any books on the show, or show notes in a long time). I present to you, Chandler Season One.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

…….

'I can't believe Ross is making us all do this. I can't believe I agreed. It's not like I haven't seen enough shrinks in my life. Why did I have to see them? Why don't you ask my gay father or one of my mother's toyboy lovers? I guess they thought I was a bit of a problem child and, since they had no idea what to do and plenty of cash, it was off to the shrink's office and then to an all boys boarding school. But, hey, it's all in the past, let's talk about my life over the last year. That's what I'm here to do right? Okay…

'My name's Chandler Bing and I'm an alcoholic. No, sorry, that wasn't funny. But don't you ever find it weird how at Alcoholics' _Anonymous _meetings they always introduce themselves to _everyone _by name? Kinda defeats the purpose, don't you think? Yeah, yeah, I'll get on with it. I've had enough of psychiatrists this year- especially after that creep that Phoebe dated. Stupid Roger with his stupid big glasses, thought he knew everything… Yeah, he was right, that's why we all hated him.

'Uh, well, I guess work improved this year. I mean, it was supposed to be a temp job and I quit and took career advice tests, but somehow I ended up back where I started. This time with an office and _way _better pay, but still the same old job. I never decided what I wanted to do with my life… can I blame my parents for that too? What?- You're the psychiatrist, help me out a little! Yeah, so I'm still inputting numbers and worrying about the WENUS and the ANUS. The worrying thing is, I've been stuck at that job for so long that the terms WENUS and ANUS are no longer funny. See, I said it and didn't smile a bit, not even a twitch. Kinda like you then… O-kay….

'Although, there were one or two issues with work. Like, the other week when Phoebe was working as my secretary, which was an interesting enough experience on its own, I found out that none of the guys like me anymore. They stand by the water cooler and do _impressions_ of me and then they laugh and if I catch them, they mysteriously end up working that weekend… And another thing- apparently a bunch of them think I'm gay…. No, I'm not! Well, what do you know, you're just a psychiatrist! What do you think it is about me then? A "quality"? Yet another enlightening answer…

'I'll have you know that I have dated many beautiful women this year. There was Aurora, this gorgeous, _fantastic _women who had a husband. And a boyfriend. I was sort of her second boyfriend, but I had to end it when she got a third. Possibly one of the dumbest things I've ever done in my life. There was also Janice; I broke up with her on New Year's and Valentines Day. Yeah, I know, what a bastard. I hated to do it, honestly, but somehow managed to keep getting back together with her when I really wasn't interested. It just seems that she's always there… Oh, please tell me that we're not destined to be together or something corny like that, that laugh of hers would make me deaf by the time I'm thirty… I went out with a couple of other woman, like Danielle but there was this whole phone issue… It wasn't going to work out.

'Was I interested in Rachel when she came along? Are you investigating group dynamics or something? The answer's no, anyway. I've known since college that Ross had an insane crush on some girl called Rachel from his high school and then she came along not long after his divorce and he fell smack back in love with her. Oh crap, I've done it again, not supposed to tell strangers that. Please _don't_ mention that to Ross.

'I think of Ross as my best friend, he's definitely my oldest friend. I didn't have many good friends in high school and a few throughout college but me and Ross were shoved together from that first day in the dorms. Maybe they were pairing people based on how terrible their haircuts were, otherwise I just got lucky. He's a bit of a nerd, but he's Ross and I wouldn't be able to make fun of him if he wasn't. I sorta consider Joey as my best friend too though, he's definitely the best roommate. Better than Kip because he ran off with our car and better than Ross because he doesn't own an air purifier. I know Joey doesn't always get my jokes, or just get some things in general, but he's a great guy and I do genuinely believe he'll make it someday. I'm being a right bleeding heart here, aren't I? So, how about I talk about Monica. I met her in my firs year of college and in my second, she cut off part of my toe. A few years later I moved in across the hall from her and it's all been forgotten. I can have a laugh with Monica, she'll put up with me and roll her eyes if I make a bad joke. Unlike Phoebe, who might hold me to a passing comment as if I really believe it. I have a weird connection with Pheebs, some days I don't think she likes me that much and on others we have long conversations about unimportant things like… I dunno, ducks or something. And Rachel? I would've hated her in high school, but I think we're all past that kind of thing and she's a good person to be around. She moved away from an easy life and instead has to put up with us lot, so I think that deserves some respect.

'Anything else this year? Uh… Ross made me godfather of Ben, but I'm not exactly sure what that means because Ross is Jewish… I guess I'll just keep an eye out for the little guy if his father and two mothers die in some tragic accident. Maybe he's just trying to make up for the fact that he kissed my mom, but I think she's the one to blame really; he was drunk and she likes taking advantage, so… Oh, and I got trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! Yeah, in that big blackout at the end of last year and she gave me some gum. It truly was perfection… I'm still waiting for them to send me that security tape though.

'That's it then. Right, I'm going to leave and try to never think about any of the stuff I just said ever again.'

……

A/N: I might have taken a few liberties with Chandler's character at this start of this chapter, but I figured it was quite possible in some respects…


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